my discovery!

Tanya chua and Dr Karen Sng

i think DR KAREN SNG LOOKS LIKE TANYA CHUA

I hear thunder
i hear thunder...

i think its gonna rain!
YEAH!!!

its just not meant to be...

i feel like a loser...
if only i could fight a beautiful war w/o feeling all so bothered
or if i could stand brave against my own views...

another lesson learnt...
i have learnt alot from u...



i asked a friend if she had hated me b4, she was so honest and said no despite me always picking on her and reprimanding her and throwing temper on her...
she only said she was angry w me once! Just once!

I feel so bad...
She is so generous and forgiving.
Why can't i, or the rest be like her...
i feel so inferior compared to her...
her naivety and genuine self makes me feel ashame

Well all these certainly make me a better person.
I am straight 4ward.
I have hurt many who crossed my path...
and i have had a grp of TRUE friends who stood by me still despite all these
Thanks alot ppl. U noe who u r!

Went Taka, spent $ on new 2008 diary,
colouring books(halijah!!)
crayons...(it just reminds me so much of my childhood and by smelling it makes me :)
water bottle

met Guaz and Hanz for drinks and we played UNO...
SO FUNNY.




a GREAT song to share...
zhang zhen yue feat TANYA chua

pics

MY CURRENT PLAYLIST!
F.I.R
*****

SIA's ANTICIPATION!

today this AIRBUS 380 starts flying!
i Have seen so many news reports and it seems the BIG SHOTS had spent hrs touring this new plane. And i would certainly wish to take flight in it one of these days...
have yet to take even a normal Boeing SIA plane lor!

Nevertheless i will work hard!
Got a lil bit of pay increment
considered a good yr since we just had one nation wide increments for nurses.
A lil uptight over certain issues...
pormised myself not to think so much abt it if not i will go bonkers...
(breathe in breathe out!)

Ward was considered busy with several High D patients...
but today was gernerally good.
Had great working partners in particular to my own assignment's station colleagues.
Patients were great and cooperative

Had fun time disturbing Honeysha with
ABNN- AH BU NEI NEI
She's indian and she was damn irritated by me! Haa...
but she wasnt angry and she even went home last nite cracking her brain on what to call me!!!

The new year's coming...
Gosh!
Think~ when u were young, with regards in the "90s"
have u ever wonder about yr 2000 onwards...
i have never
and now big half of 2000 is gone and we r gonna change the dates we write to 2010 onwards!

We have grown up so much...
sometimes we just hate to be an adult.
But still we moved on
i always look back,
so does my close friends...
we looked back in smiles and laughter.
We hardly aspire about the OH GREAT future nor make big plans...
at least i really don't
i always says i want or i hope but hardly do it.

I stopped thinking about new year resolutions
If u still do, u mean u dunno its CRAP?~
So whoever who reads this, if u rt wondering what to make in e new year,
4GET IT K!

At the end of the day,
we just gotta be contented with what we have
and life will be more care free and well POSITIVE too.

Recently, i find that i am inspired by the really genuine people ard me,
they made me realised how calculative i was in the past and
looking at the irritating ones around me, the made me realised how ugly it was to lament non stop...

well its a good thing
at least i find that i start to view certain people in a positive way
and i try to see their good points.
So i am happy
I don't wanna be a UGLY LAMENT QUEEN.

disgusting financial consultants!

this was inspired by my long time fren baoling...

she blogged this and maybe i shall further elaborate my doings...

since amk hub opened,
we have been hubbing very frequently.
Of course la, since its our "hometown" ma...
and on our way to the interchange, one specific group of people we will never missed
The damn financial planner!

it totally disgust me that they set up a booth in almost every lil corner of Singapore!
And mostly mrt stations or interchange!
Well a lil clap for em for being so PERSISTENT AND IRRITATING AND THICK SKIN!

they pester u like mad, if they come across u as someone "financially stable"
well, when i am clad in shorts, or casually, do not look like a working adult, they dun give u a damn lor!~

they follow u, for a distance till u really totally shows no interest
and they always start with damn cheesy pick up line!

Like today,
this guy asked us: Hello, coming from interchange?
Me: NO!

He was stunned for awhile and he din follow us.
Like w.t.h LOR...
walking from THAT DIRECTION doesnt mean from INTERCHANGE!
aND THEY TEND TO HAVE THIS BINDED book, where they have like a pie chart of how u spent ur money and then u gotta fill up bla bla and of course with your tel no!
I will if i am really being pestered to death
and def i will write a wrong no!

AND I SO CANNOT TAHAN FRIENDS WHO GIVE MY NO TO THESE PEOPLE!!!

This market is way too saturated
i suggest these bus stop stationed ones should get a new job,
how many policies can one get!?
And i bet the no of financial planners way overwrites the no of people who sign up with em each day!

GET A LIFE!

happy birthday beibz!

Birthday Flash / Graphic for MySpace

happy anniversary too!
winkz

so zhun!

took a test!
so accurate!
my results!

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

suay...

went to amk hub,
posb...
withdrew 50 bucks...
balance was pathetic.

went ntuc,
went mac, took out my wallet.
@#$%

withdrew but din take!!!
cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbcb
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
so sad!

i am already so broke...
i actually lost 50 bucks.

i was too deep in thoughts...
the incident had affected me alot alot...
but i've talked it out and felt better...
it will still take awhile for me to be less upset.
but i've straighten my thoughts...

my only heartache now is my money!!!

this is so touching**

facebook...

everyone is so into facebook
i am in it too...

yet totally lost
dun really know how the applications works...

need to explore!
BTW...

add me at nephrongorgeous@hotmail.com

have quite abit to do in the upcoming bbq on sun...
the pressie's not wrapped up yet
my fridge is spoilt~
we gt a new one today but to be delivered tomorrow!
Hopefully the stuff don get spoilt!

hidden in the dark...

Feeling super DOWN now...
yes my emotional moods starts swinging again
but this time round i feel i know why i am like this.

I gotta know something today which broke my heart so badly.
I just dunno how to explain all these and say my piece exactly how my heart feels.

There is so much so much i wanna say.
I suddenly felt so lost.
I do not know whats holding me back...
what keeps me stronger.

I know its something called love...
and i know i am too kind...

e moment i got struck,
i was asking god quietly why does such things happen to me,
i am so afraid of living in the past...
the uglyfied past which i hated myself so much

doing my best and being my best when in the end i regretted doing it and
looking back now hating myself.

I am not trying to compare...
but my past just scares me...

i always thought that besides being stubborn and hot tempered,
i am actually nice.
Thats what i think abt myself

I always feel and said that i have experience alot, seen alot
about e cruelty of mankind...
becuz i have gone thru it...

so i will never forgive myself if i make another mistake this time round...
i have already re-make my decision
time will tell all.

MIA

hasn't been updating that much lately,
mainly i lost interest...
not much interesting things happening.
No fuming moments...
no ugly ppl on trains

and probably cuz i have been on night a lil too frequently lately
and in particular WEEKDAY nights...
and with regards to a REMARK made by someone who obviously deem outstanding
previwing my roster always reminded me of her comment.
Sigh anyway, let bygones be bygones la...
but i noe i will keep that in mind still.

A lil excited over coming sunday's chalet.
But i know he is a lil upset his mum did not wanna come. (i call her dowager in secret oops)

but i hope it will be a blst for him after his 21st...
its our 2nd yr anniversary on the day itself.

Doin nite with Halij and huiying.
Was thrilled when i saw hali's name.
Surprisingly it was a good night with huiying too.

Time passes damn fast and we are counting to our bugis trip post night...

Linda wont be too happy but this night was so much better than my prev night.
It was a tad lil bit tramautising.
I still feel alot for that aunty.

i wanna do so much more for his bday pressie but
i am not bron artistic!!!

Been chatting up alot with halij...
find human nature so scary.
so many people
so many faces
so many diff kinds
who to trust and
who not too...

finally completed my hk drama...
cried damn badly.
my mum laughed at me...
i told her i am probably the last one on earth nowasdays to cry so badly while watching dramas...
but she said she's like that too and
she said people who cry along shows are kind hearted cuz they feel for it.
Haaa...

i thought i had just...

complete the sentence...
and it would be finished one round of night shift?

Totally terrified of the upcoming night shift from tonight till friday morning,
Since the last round of night which made me damn demoralized

I can only PRAY that ALL'S WELL!!!

Sat, went vivo with Linda and Jinliang.
Kinda fun...
bought donuts again.

that very night beibz and i went ECP to camp.
Well i know complaining would disappoint him so much,
i din really whine that much, not even BITS...

but... the weather was so HOT!~
EVen at nite...
even when our tent was near to the sea,
And random couples(i bet new lovers), irritating bangalas and some other random ppl will walk really near ur tent, u could see their shawdow and also hear their voices...

And well, did nothing much, went there late cuz of my vivo trip,
drank some beer and bacardi breezer
watched hk drama,
listened to the radio and i fell asleep.
Woke up several times, by his snores (yes he slept well i assumed!)
by those loud random ppl,
by the mosquito bite... (tired to woke him up telling him i got bitten expecting him to light the insect incense but he continued sleeping)
by him talking in his sleep...

FINALLY, 7AM.
I never automatically wakes up so early and i did this time round.
Made him wake up too and we packed up and left.
HOT!!!

Went to the so called famous place for crabs in amk.
long queue,
waited like almost an hour for the crab,
can't tell the big diff in the tastiness with the rest except the queue.
Just that we held actually GOBBLED UP 30 MANTOUS! those small buns!~

then we met rachel for drinks and gossips...
its been quite awhile since our last meet-up.

post night.

its been my busiest night shift ever,
so had been for the rest.
But one of the enjoyable one...
with people u like.

ON the record,
post night... we went Tiong Bahru for Mac breakfast and chatted till 10 plus,
shopped around the mall till goin 12!
POOR LINDA got called back
she was damn HEROIC lor.
Haj din wanna go and she assume i won't as well and its true...
i was dressed up to go out already when i received haj's call.

Felt better...
was told Aunty's death weren't our fault.
And well, i think we have really done our best.

His birthday is coming...
excited cuz we r gonna have a BBQ.

went shopping alone ytd.
gOT sth...
but thinking of getting one more item but so craking my brain yet CLUELESS.

Shopping alone is TEDIOUS.
I cant consult anyone...
and no one to talk to me and makes me really sleepy!!!

*SAD*

the aunty we had been bz with during DAY ONE has passed away.
All of us felt really lousy about it...

may she rest in peace.
Feeling a lil Guilty.
Perharps we could have done better!

series of events...

its been days since my last update.

On thurs, met up with the girls at work for "break fast"
which i find it interesting to name this.

we went Seoul Garden for dinner.
Its been like AGES lor since we ate at Seoul's!
To my sec sch friends: SEOUL GARDEN!!! LOADS OF MEMORIES!

we used to frequent the Bishan branch during our sec sch days and we would spent bdays or last day of exams etc there or perharps a RICH Friday...

we will sit there from 2pm to 7pm NO JOKE!
ROUNDS AND ROUNDS. till Then we will all unhook the hook for the skirt! FULL!

But frankly speaking, the food there aren't as fantastic well i am not saying it was so good last time but i guess i still prefer the old seoul's and the atmosphere.

The smell remains the same!

Follwed by MIND CAFE with the whole big group of crazy gals!
ROARS OF LAUGHTER Followed along and well i must say i totally enjoyed the outing!
This could be one of the best outings with the ward staffs.

My mind cafe addiction is working on again...
when is the next ppl!

WELL started my night thereafter on Friday!
HELL!!!

DAY 1~
POST op patient turned bad, spent the most crucial time of night shifts from 2.30 to 5.30 am with her...
trying our best.
freaked out.
felt absolutely USELESS In terms of emergency!
Para and SATS dropped!
Bad aspiration from trachy...
f* up drs!

finally SICU she went!
she should be there initially.

DAY 2~
Feeling all relaxed with the trachy case not around.
12MN, HALF HRLY EYEDROPS!!!
KILL THE DR!
Luckily the patient is a nice one...
his smile made the drops more worthwhile!

CALL BELL PROM NITE!
bY passing over time,
i have named the CALL BELL KING AND QUEEN!

THEY ARE A CHORE!
They call for all the stupid reasons!
eg: pluck the damn psp plug several times! And the cable super loose so u gtta keep adjusting! Turn the aircon temp, position him like ten times an hr to prone when he will turn to lateral himself then call u again and again and again!

Reassurance for the QUEEN...
and the worse thing is we gtta fully gowned!
She calls, and i always kan chiong! When i donning on the PPE, i wana hurry go in too cuz in case she complains again!

SIGH...

Linda and i are wondering if we jinx each other!

Tonight will be a better nite pls!!!

Heard some comment made by a colleague which made me utterly disgusted by her words.
Its makes me see thru her better.

i have never wanted to achieve anything big in work...
i am known to have little aspirations in life.
i dunno why i chose nursing and if i like the job and i only know i will just work lor.
I do not wanna fight for any opportunities in work.
Nevertheless i will respect sister's decision...
i will do as assigned unless its too demanding!

Well with regards to that issue, it could just be a comment.
But what i am mad is the way words are put...

like how much she dun understands this...
when she can be the one doing etc...
sigh...
i probably cannot compare with her in her eyes!
if thats the case she could have voiced it out to sisters!
Since thats her fave to discuss all the tad lil details with em!

WOMEN...
SO scary.

i certainly respect others' postings.
I hardly mentioned what they post in front of other ppl...
and i do not bring up unless its funny or when the other party started it.
Its an online diary,
i so hate it when my posts are brought up, laughed at or discussed in front of many ppl! Its meant to kept low and for my own frustrations at times.
Please respect my tad lil bit of privacy.

And certain issues are certainly not meant to be broadcast aloud...

sensitivity kills.

I'm sorry if i hurt anyone by saying so...
but i really hate the way my topics are brought up in BIG groups...

what has the world become!

i envy the good ol' days, pertaining to our grand parents' times or way earlier...

the men does their best and obviously fuck their best hence resulting in "PROSPEROUS" offspring... but i feel they certainly fulfill their best in providing for the family!
They go out work in the fields, and tho it may be tough but they were brought up in a justifiable way!

I refused to refer to all the men but i would say generally men nowadays has sort of lost the "VIRTUE" of providing the best and fulfilling their role to the optimum!

Well this post is definitely inspired by Sumini's and of course i have gone thru bad weather days like em b4. Which makes me SUPER disgusted by the doings of men nowadays!

I hate the fact that they weren't as hardworking as our forefathers and as what they should be, pertaining to their roles!

And i hate the fact that women now tends to be more capable and hence have to provide their best for the men too!

And i most hate the fact that men still are not appreciative in many ways and expects those beyond our call!

I have had BASTARDS bfs b4,
whom i so prefer to put all these behind me now.
I totally has what we call selective amnesia to put that unhappy part of my life way behind my mind and if possible not to rake it up...
i tend to feel disgusted w myself for being so silly and when my mind rolls abt it, i tend to wish i forget everything.

I dunno their whereabouts,
i hung on for awhile too.
But i am lucky i escaped and got over it,
i learnt an valuable lesson.
I had never fall again (touch wood)
I hope my friends can chuck away their unhappy pasts too...

The relationship woes happening to people around me are stacking.
Not for the same reasons tho but all r feeling just as miserable.

I guess we as women should never accept such things as GO DUTCH in future,
something which i regretted proudly announcing in the past.

Perharps, we could have get the clearer pic of the other guy and live in bliss too...

tagboard crashes!

sumini is right!
There's something wrong with my tag board!
One of the nokia phone's pic in my earlier posts appeared!

Anyway,
off today and tomorrow.
Feel a sudden urge to bake.
Had been a more or less rather talented baker la...(in my eyes)
afterall, the training i had back in school.

i kinda feel like going for some baking classes whereby i can learn to bake beautiful cakes with all the nice decors...

time...

Anyway, went w Choonz to geylang for BUllfrog porridge. Initially we had wanted to go thomson's hk cafe but WTH... close today! Dunno why also.

Anyway it was damn long since we met up...
3 mths... and we had alot to catch up.
She was a best friend in poly. Saw her transformed from those typical malaysians to a more trendy upbeat one.

She tolerates my nonsense and horrible mood swings...
she was just telling my bf tht the first time she saw me fought w someone was when we were getting our nursing uniform in yr 1...

Nabey lor... all because i was fighting for her...
her uniform was stained with blue patches and she had wanted to change,
the queue was long and we decided to head straight to the counter since it was an exchange and she need not do any measuremnents!

This malay gay-ish guy got angry with me for trying to cut his queue and used his foot to block me...
pissed..., i shouted FUCK U.. IN front of many many ppl and told him i was not cutting q i merely wanna change or sth...
and i forgt whats next la...
but it was all bcuz of HER!

ANyway...

gonna meet the gals at work for BREAK FAST tomorrow,
probably b4 i meet em, i can meet her awhile to shop for my bf's bday gift.
rACKing my brain for e ideal gift!
sIGH...

I feel like i have gotten him almost all the typical gift ideas and coincidentally, his bday is our anniversary.
2 years...

haaa, never lugi, his bday i still can get a gift! Haa

My migraine is killing me.
2 consecutive days!

i feel so useless...

i feel so useless cuz i so cannot control my lousy emotions...

its a known fact i flare easily.
Its a known fact too i can cry just anytime time...
its a known fact that dun ever make me dislike u cuz i really GONNA hate talking to u.

Fought with Sis Lee again today.
Come to think of it, its been awhile.
OVER what?
DAMN STETHOSCOPE!

the damn ward has no more steth!
CB...
all these bloody kan chiongz, for the sake of ensuring a "smooth and flawless" round with the INHUMANE HEAD OF DEPARTMENT...

Made me ran for the damn steth which i so cannot find.
ASKED THIS SENIOR ENROLLED NURSE, gave me an pissed look well not even looking at me and said i dunno!

IF i could, i would kill her on the spot!
I DUNO WHAT DAMN CONTRIBUTIONS SHE HAS FOR THE DAMN WARD!

by taking mc one night earlier, set her alram clock at 3am to call the ward doesn't mean u are giving the poor night staffs sufficient time to call back staffs!

U eat 15 mins earlier than ur breaktime!
U r so damn fucking calculative about work!
WHAT FUCKING USE, besides asking u to helo around the counter when we all noe u r the first to blame STAFF NURSES FOR LOSS OF DAMN SCISSORS AND WHATEVER INSTRUMENTS!

my conscience is clear for all the damn instruments i used!
BUT I SO hate the finger pointing moments and they simply shrug and lamenting it always gets missing but nabey la hAVE U EVER MADE TO PAY FOR IT!?

U PAY B4 MEH!
I THINK its lew and some others who chipped in!

But the whole issue is,
i got ticked off for the no steth issues!
GOT ANGRY, shouted at sister!
WHAT DAMN PROBLEM HAS IT GOTTA DO WITH ME!?
i DO NOT walk around with it on my neck!

I said i ask the damn ADMISSION NURSE and she says she DUNNO!
sister said she is an ENROLL NURSE but i am A REGISTERED NURSE!
oh wat a na bey cb statement ya!

DIFFERENCE BTW US!
I GOTTA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DAMN STETH!
i shouted at sister saying she is an SENIOR EN and i am a junioir and stormed off...
at the same time making it louldy she is MAD!

she walk to me and said i dun have to shout at her and i still fight my right that why should i hold responsibility!

I felt tears in my eyes!
I AM PISSED.
I hate myself for breaking down whenever i fight with someone!
I was so brave in the fight (i thought so)
But ended up tearing always.
someone once said crying means winning but i think otherwise lor!

But lucky i din today.

I wished i had invested in a steth during student days,
i said loudly i would bring my own!

I dun mean to fight with her really.
i noe she won't be around for long and
i sotta noe we will not be so taken care of by the new one appointed.

But she really pisses me off today!

undergoing emotional torments.
aint in really good mood...

thought i would be better after menses but din seem to help.
SPLITTING headache with 4 paracetamol aint helping too,
the nap too...

not in a good relationship with him too.
due to certain comments he made.
Claiming it was unintentional!
FOOT!

HEARTLESS...