i feel so useless...

i feel so useless cuz i so cannot control my lousy emotions...

its a known fact i flare easily.
Its a known fact too i can cry just anytime time...
its a known fact that dun ever make me dislike u cuz i really GONNA hate talking to u.

Fought with Sis Lee again today.
Come to think of it, its been awhile.
OVER what?
DAMN STETHOSCOPE!

the damn ward has no more steth!
CB...
all these bloody kan chiongz, for the sake of ensuring a "smooth and flawless" round with the INHUMANE HEAD OF DEPARTMENT...

Made me ran for the damn steth which i so cannot find.
ASKED THIS SENIOR ENROLLED NURSE, gave me an pissed look well not even looking at me and said i dunno!

IF i could, i would kill her on the spot!
I DUNO WHAT DAMN CONTRIBUTIONS SHE HAS FOR THE DAMN WARD!

by taking mc one night earlier, set her alram clock at 3am to call the ward doesn't mean u are giving the poor night staffs sufficient time to call back staffs!

U eat 15 mins earlier than ur breaktime!
U r so damn fucking calculative about work!
WHAT FUCKING USE, besides asking u to helo around the counter when we all noe u r the first to blame STAFF NURSES FOR LOSS OF DAMN SCISSORS AND WHATEVER INSTRUMENTS!

my conscience is clear for all the damn instruments i used!
BUT I SO hate the finger pointing moments and they simply shrug and lamenting it always gets missing but nabey la hAVE U EVER MADE TO PAY FOR IT!?

U PAY B4 MEH!
I THINK its lew and some others who chipped in!

But the whole issue is,
i got ticked off for the no steth issues!
GOT ANGRY, shouted at sister!
WHAT DAMN PROBLEM HAS IT GOTTA DO WITH ME!?
i DO NOT walk around with it on my neck!

I said i ask the damn ADMISSION NURSE and she says she DUNNO!
sister said she is an ENROLL NURSE but i am A REGISTERED NURSE!
oh wat a na bey cb statement ya!

DIFFERENCE BTW US!
I GOTTA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DAMN STETH!
i shouted at sister saying she is an SENIOR EN and i am a junioir and stormed off...
at the same time making it louldy she is MAD!

she walk to me and said i dun have to shout at her and i still fight my right that why should i hold responsibility!

I felt tears in my eyes!
I AM PISSED.
I hate myself for breaking down whenever i fight with someone!
I was so brave in the fight (i thought so)
But ended up tearing always.
someone once said crying means winning but i think otherwise lor!

But lucky i din today.

I wished i had invested in a steth during student days,
i said loudly i would bring my own!

I dun mean to fight with her really.
i noe she won't be around for long and
i sotta noe we will not be so taken care of by the new one appointed.

But she really pisses me off today!

undergoing emotional torments.
aint in really good mood...

thought i would be better after menses but din seem to help.
SPLITTING headache with 4 paracetamol aint helping too,
the nap too...

not in a good relationship with him too.
due to certain comments he made.
Claiming it was unintentional!
FOOT!

HEARTLESS...