so many things to say...

so many to things to say...

but when is it the right time to say?

i know there are people who believe in me
and i do believe in myself...

i know the reasons why things are done and
why words are said

but not everyone does...

i had my appraisal done
it din end in a bad note
but
it kept me thinking

i was told new staff do not like to join a ward where there is clique?

i am not angry
i noe people have this misperception about me
and i dun blame them for doing so

since young
i have always been the outstanding one
not because of my beauty- I WISH

but the way i talk
and perhaps people often find fault with me
because i am the only one who dare make comments


whereas people around me are deem as being made use by me
or under me...

or i am some big sister!
who lure them into commiting bad things!

absurd!

when everyone hangs out together
the things we do are done in cohesion

is it considered being made use of?
to voice out grievances?

i personally dun find it this way
but

unfortunately
people label me that way
people hold prejudice against me

this misperception has been along with me way back
and i am surprised it still holds on

i am not angry
perhaps i brought it against myself

which makes me wonder
all the hard work i have done

all the effort i make
will never be enough

like i say once more
i dun believe in boot licking
i do not need their favour to go far

and there are people around me
around my working counterparts whom i really dun like
whom i really wish i could go up right in their faces and tear away their masks

whom i wish can stop their two-face
but i can't

i dun belong to a special group
i thought i am already not very involved

i am equally shocked and pity this colleague who has been discriminated by many many
yes she may not be the best in the past
she may not have perform or behave up to our liking
but she has changed yet no one gives her a chance

whereas others who go around sprouting nonsense
tell everyone about everyone gets the credit...

sigh

i am not angry with how i am graded
i am just upset
my many lil actions or words have been misinterpreted all along
i accept all their comments
and i know i am really not the best around

i have seen so many others who are way pro
and way genuine in caring for patients
and deserve every credit

i look up to them

but certainly not those who gets around with mouths

all these perhaps takes alot nurturing since young
which i am so lack of...