whats wrong with me?!

i was supposed to post this like during the weekends!
i am busy
many agenda

whats this all about man!
i think i am on e verge of sinking into "SILENT" Depression or maybe some chim mental diagnosis!

as mentioned by e lecturer, " mental illness are often not diagnosed on time or at all,
hence the health care cost for mental health are often under utilized!

I diagnosed myself this afternoon, w some expertise opinion from Sumini,
i have been excessively irritable lately
well, tho i have been like that b4, i am worse now!
its deteriorating in a rather fast pace (from my depression)

Honestly, not a made up plot or just input for e sake of updating!

i get angry when people talked to me,
asking me questions when i dun feel like talking AT ALL
esp stupid routinely or random stuff (i can go mad w all these qns)
then i shout at my close ones,

and i would even pick up the slightest teeny weeny incident,
blow up
fight w em
get angry
and in the end break down...
crying but controllably la...
for awhile only also and not often

i know all these myself
but i cannot help it really!
i would so much LOVE to be a nice girl
i wanna improve on myself constantly~

i think e only time i dun get mad
is when i go out w friends who can make me laugh and forget my worries

i really think i have too lil time for everything
i cannot think of better ways to delegate my duties well and
manage my time well to make myself feel better

CAN U HELP ME?

these 2 days,
i felt really bad for making people upset with e way i am now
in fact like a changed person
i feel really guilty after thinking back what disgusting things i did

i deny that i am stress
i deny i have alot of work to do
but

right now,

it kinda sets in...
as e weeks gone past,
e datelines seems nearer,
and there r never ending new stuff coming up.

I WILL KILL E PERSON WHO SAYS NURSING IS EZ
NURSING IS EZ TO GET IN HENCE EZ TO STUDY!

AH -BISH!

evidence based has got us all into more fuss...
we need 10245218464532142455 journals and research papers to back up our work
not just research ok
ALL OUR ASSIGNMENTS

And not one or two papers to prove
but 12454230464621549730 of em are needed!

its not just yahoo or google easily can find ok!
we can get only brief abstracts and its insufficient!
we need like fucking journals where we need $$$ TO ACCESS em!
its everyones' woes now

I DECLARE MY STRESS LEVEL IS UP TO MY BIG NOSE... (OILY)
I hope it slides down with my grease lor...

i am anxious about getting enough papers to back up
anxious to get things done faster to prevent "snowballing" of work
anxious to make sure i get things done well
worried that others deem i am useless in e group
dreads those sickening group members that i dun even know... (well)

all these may not sound like serious
but it is damn taxing to a DAMN RELAXED person
one who takes things easily in e past!

i know i can overcome all these soon
once i get my things sorted out,
and i know we r on e right track
BINGO

BUt i have badly diverted my stress, worries, fears and uncertainties to my moods

i treat others damn badly
and i make it looked like they owe me big time!
but in fact they dun but i do owe em!

sigh

but things r looking good on the ophthalmic side
we seems to cooperate well during meetings
and we cracked really hard recalling what we learnt b4 to apply
and we do things together
i hope its gonna be better

and i guess its the common modules where i am FORCED to group with strangers
that makes me a devil!

i hope that i can sort out my objectives clearly soon
and i can be a better person!

my classmates says they thought i am those hippie
and they percieved that i am those kind who gives out messages to others that dun come near me or talk to me if u r not my type of friends!
haa..

but upon working together during meetings they realised they were wrong!

i went swimming today in e nyp complex!
*like e good ol days!*

i had opportunity to peek at nursing mummies!
i followed my classmates to e nursing room and looked at how they pumped their breast milk! Haa...

FASCINATED W E PUMPS!

One of em used e bigger, automated one,
where she just attached e pumps to e breast, on e switch and it will do its own job

the other was manually,
i gave a try
haa but i was quite lousy in it,
and she took it back from me!
haha

and i went shopping at city square ytd
TIRED +++
Din managed to get alot of stuff that i like too
in fact i got more stuff for others than myself! :(

HELLO CHRISTY!
She says she is e SILENT AVID READER!
If u had read the WHOLE CHUNK!
U would have know about my diagnosis,

so i need time to re-arrange my thoughts,
try and recall my knowledge of ur past relationship with the balding indian man...
hur hur hur

pls gimme more time...
cuz i need to go find more journals for my group meeting tomorrow with some dreaded kan chiong-sters!