my "downtime"

it just seems that i have nothing reali joyous to share whnever i blog, its always my stupid laments and my crude & reali mean remarks...

:(

was called into my sister's office today, briefed over some PRESTIGIOUS SCHOLARSHIP by an apparent RICH woman whose name was obviously named after this award only to OUTSTANDING nurses. Sister beat abt the bush and repeated the damn above BOLD words @ least a damn ten times! Well i was losing my cool at 7.55 am after my damn tiring whole week of BUSIEST night shift ever since i started out! And goin straight after her lecture on the f* i-cant-be-bothered damn awards to the ANNUAL Scienticfic Meeting till 1230! Obviously i m losin it... i almost blurted out like askin her wats her damn problem w all the damn issues which i have never said i m interested! Well of course if its frm her, nasty smelly words came outta her mouth as usual... it knocked me outta my senses once more and in fact i m probably woke up from my fantasy unrealistic dream i thought of attaining...

shared briefly w my colleagues abt what happened, realised i was NOT the only one being ridiculed, in fact ALMOST ALL of us went through this damn thing! I felt a lil better but i wished i din had the opportunity to bumped into her.

I m lost. Truely lost... i had started out in this foreign yet interesting place of work feeling lost as well. I felt i was not appreciated initially even though i knew i was trying, there was obvious favoritism from her which eventually din bother me at all. I was reprimanded for her pet's fault and thanks to a few of my friends i know i wasnt alone. These ppl who had helped me through the initial torments had left for better prospects... well i grew over and lived w it, i was obviously one deviant frm her crudeness and snides. I know i stood rather strong and firm in my stand as nt to be emotionally affected by her arrowing attacks! SIgh...

i was of course backed by so many others and we were united as one against her... times have changed. The ones that are truely dedicating and motivating have left for better ventures... the rest of us are left stranded and fightin for all sorts of oppotunities. I never wanted to acheive anything big in nursing but i feel that we should all be given fair opportunities. But i have only my carelessness to blame.

Its just my luck ba... everything is easier said then done. i wished i cld be like some of my seniors...

i m not worried about any internal rotations anymore, i will leave it to god to determine wads best for me. I wished i m like my poly friends who are all clear about of their visions...

attended the meeting with another target of arrows of sister, she too was lamenting but at the same time afraid of the outcomes and consequences. Talked abt it, despite me being quite a no of years her junior, i told her my share of views... i may be young and appear to others as ignorant but i swear i've seen through the bad times of life as much. She was badly affected and unclear of her future. I've seen her break down a few times. Which really made me wonder why m i still stuck in this cruel enviroment waiting for her supposed she deem u-can recognitions! Well even though i'm nt expecting to achieve what she wants but i all comes back to square 1!

Sigh...

*p.s: speakin of which the meeting just now, i was behind my senior and she was grabbing the freebies like nobody's business! Arghhhhh typical! HAA... and i was trying to stand away from her during her hysteric grabbing, i went to the food... i took the wrong FOOD! It was meant for the VIPs as in THE MINISTER OF HEALTH MR KHAW! Haa... this lady was nice she was like erm u mind trying the other trays over there first! Haa damn paisei lor hmph! Haa... but i seriously cant stand the nurses' attitudes during conferences! They are UGLY SINGAPOREANS! Attacked buffet tables and sponsors freebies!!!